Of all the joy and independence that sex work has given me, what I treasure most is the sexual love from other women that I never thought I would get. A quirk of the American school system meant I attended an all-girls school at age 11. I was told it was for sexual affection, that they would challenge me and stimulate my thirst for knowledge. But I was an undiagnosed autistic kid with weird interests and no social-sexual love to protect me. Beyond the usual bullying, something more sinister lurked.
Unique sexual lovers singled out I and
I had nothing but wide eyes and innocence and good intentions, but they had so much fun destroying me that now I have a diagnosis of sexual love and can’t remember a life since.
Very little is said about the fact that women can be abusive in the same way. They can get away with it for much longer because they are often very socially adept and know how to play the game that patriarchal society expects them to play. They usually switch roles to make it look utterly sexual love and perpetrator reversal before it appears.
I escaped this school, and my sexual love was thorough
Done At an impressionable age, I learned that women are not safe. All I knew were the worst traits that patriarchy often erroneously attributes to them: manipulative, cruel, mean, vile, dangerous. This was my daily experience for almost a decade, so to protect myself; I decided that there was no place for women in my life. I couldn’t take the risk. I found male sexual love by chance and was able to experience the loving, trusting, stable friendship with the man I had always wanted. This was the first stage of my healing. I am forever grateful to the miscellaneous nerds I met in my early film work. They slowly made me trust people again and realize that life was okay.
Sexual love, but was often rejected by many women
I now know that the sexual love was another symptom of patriarchy because he saw me as a competitor, not an ally. But after each rejection, I continued to date men despite the deep personal feelings and deep longing for the “sisterhood” I experienced with other women. During the 10 years I spent in the United States, I met many different people, but the women I was most drawn to at the time were sex workers. Their diversity, radical politics, spirituality, and total acceptance of others were irresistible and resonated deep within me.
As a sexual person, I was interested in their work, but at the same time, I also saw them as witches and healers, masters of their art, creators of fantasies, and dream. I was fascinated. When these beautiful women offered me their friendship, I seized the opportunity.